234 results found
- How to Make a Cheap Christmas Tree Look Expensive
When our kids were very young we only had a 30+ year old hand-me-down Christmas tree. But one year I saved up and bought a beautiful tree in the after Christmas sale, for 60% off. It cost $140 at the time, but I paid it because I expected it to last us for life. Ten years later I went to unpack the Christmas Tree from the garage, (where I'd safely stored it every other year) and inside the box was a dessicated rat, stuck to one of the branches... Talk about the nastiest Christmas decoration ever. Seems it had crawled in from the Aussie bush, which we live next door to, looking for a warm place during winter. And because it was stored high up we didn't notice any smell. So I went out to buy another tree, two and a half weeks before Christmas. Anything nice in my price range had long gone. To get something equivalent to what I had was over $700. I settled for a medium sized $80 tree and hoped with time I would be able to replace it. But as it turns out I never did. And now I love my $80 tree just as much as my expensive 'old' tree. So what changed? 1. I found a friend who loves Christmas as much as I do and we decorate each other's Christmas trees. 2. Before we begin, I cover a large plastic crate with Christmas paper, which I put under the tree, making it appear taller. 3. And then we begin to decorate the tree with strips of ribbon (which I purchased on spools from the $2 Shop.) Here we've used three different Christmas coloured ribbons. But you can use any colours to match your decor. 4. We begin at the back of the top of the tree and wind our way down, attaching the ribbon to the tree at 12-15 inch intervals. You can either wind the wire branch over the ribbon to hold it in place, or use a 1/2 green pipe cleaner piece and twist them into place. We've chosen to go diagonally as it's easiest to wind it around the tree. And it makes nice spaces for decorations to fit into. 5. Then we add some holly and the Christmas ornaments in the spaces. N.B. Every year our children received a Christmas ornament from their Nan, and from me as well, so over years we have a collection. Some are super-cheap baubles, and dough figures, while others are unique and more expensive. I always space the most beautiful decorations in eye catching positions on the tree. With the most sentimental in areas of prominence. 6. Finally we add three rows of beads and a tree topper to complete the transformation. You could also add tinsel Now all we need to do, is to hang the Christmas stockings. May your Christmas be a kind one and may the new year be full of good health, loving family, great friendships and fantastic adventures. If you would like some other great ideas for living well on a budget you may be interested in the following link to tips that allowed us to pay our house off in just over half the time plus gave us back years of free time over our working lives. https://www.best-parenting-advice.com/time-savers-for-healthy-meals Regards, Deb
- Five Tips For Thriving At Home With Kids During Self-Isolation
Bored kids are rarely easy to manage. And if kids are attempting to run the place, self-isolation could be a nightmare, for both kids, and parents alike. But alternatively, self-isolating with kids at home, could be a time when you can build closer relationships and create great memories... If you're smart about it. It could be a bit like going camping and having weeks of wet weather. Not what you planned. But you can still make the best of it and have fun. During this pandemic, rarely being able to leave the house, limits what you can do to break the monotony for your kids. But some of us can relate. I can remember having 25 new preschoolers starting a new year during three weeks of rain. And I knew if I didn't keep them happy and engaged, those who were inclined to be challenging, would be all over me. Because those who tested their parents, were also inclined to test me. So why didn't they? Or if they did, why didn't they continue to do so. Simply put, children got less attention for being difficult. But more importantly, there was so much more in it for them to do the right thing. I always had heaps of interesting things to do, so it was fun to cooperate. I wanted kids to be positive about learning. So I focused on every positive I could about their efforts to learn. e.g. When teaching Year 1 I focused on the best sentence written on their page and explained why that was particularly good. That identified what quality work was. And as a result I got better quality work... For younger kids, it may be as simple as commenting on the best letter formation. E.g. straight backs on letters of equal size. But if you're stuck at home, and there are generally kids screaming and running around the place, it's likely they may not have enough to do. And it can increase the overall levels of stress in a household. But with a little planning, you can turn what is a difficult time, into a positive time. One where you build quality relationships with your family, rather than be saddened by them. Improvements can be made with the introduction of: Simple routines: Kids love predictability. They like to know things like after an activity we wash our hands. Then we have snack break. And after less stimulating activities there will be something more exciting to do. Providing interesting things to do: Kids love to be actively engaged learners. Go to: Things to Do With Kids While Self-Isolating At Home During Pandemic: https://www.best-parenting-advice.com/things-to-do-with-kids-during-pande Boundaries for behaviour: Kids need clear boundaries so they know how to behave. (e.g. using inside voices, using walking feet inside, saying please and thank you. Simple rules keeps the tone of the house calm. And family relationships are better as a result.) Expectations need to be discussed ahead of time. e.g If your child chooses to be difficult, and not complete school tasks, the natural consequences would be they'd miss out on privileges; having to use the time they should have used earlier, to complete work. Noticing the positive: Kids crave attention. You're wise to give it to them for doing the right thing. By noticing the good makes us feel good about ourselves, regardless of how old we are. Our children love to know we see the best in them. Consistent expectations. Kids need to know you're reliable. If you're happy and funny one day, yet losing it the next, it unnerves kids. It makes them more on edge, and the tone of the home overall is more stressful. There is an excellent article on this site called 6 Steps for Improving Behaviour that may help. Go to: https://www.best-parenting-advice.com/6-steps-for-managing-behaviour-well This pandemic can provide an opportunity to build positive relationships and happy memories with your children. And it's perfectly fine for you to still expect some time to yourself. The happier your children are, and the better they feel about themselves, the more likely they are to give it to you. Self-isolation at home, may provide you the time to lead your family into more cooperative ways of relating, so your home is a happy one. If you're home schooling remember: You're attempting to create a positive attitude to learning for life. Having your high pressure to complete an activity, may make your kids really negative about learning. And if your child is not behaving well it's okay to say to them. "I'm not being a good parent if I let you think it's okay to behave like that. We both know you're so much better than that... Are you having trouble with something? Can I help you?" There are over 20 articles on behaviour management on Best Parenting Advice.com that can help you if you're having trouble. Check them out. Fond regards, Deb Arthurs
- What I'd Do Differently
If I had my time over again, I'd spend more time dancing and singing. I'd dance while I did the housework. And I'd sing all sorts of songs for the pure joy of it: from Nessum Dorma to I'm Just a Love Machine. I'd spend less time worrying about all my past mistakes. It's my mistakes that helped make me who I am. I'd make peace with them, thank them for what they taught me... And I'd let them go. When I'm old, I'd know I'll still feel the same inside, as when I was young. It helps me see my innocence. I'd take more photos of how wonderful each day is. I'd spend more time living in 'this moment.' Life is important and simply living can be wonderful. I'd get out in nature every day. And if I was thinking about doing something new or different, I'd think why not today. I'd spend more time with people who raise me up. And I'd care less about what other people think. Because I'd know, they're likely not thinking of me much at all. I'd know I was replaceable to any employer. And that my kids will grow up too so I need my own passions in life I'd trust myself more and follow my instincts . I'd spend less time sitting on the edges of life and I'd give myself permission to jump in with both feet. I'd cultivate my ability to public speak, and engage in small talk. But I'd also take a breath before speaking, knowing I don't have to have an opinion on everything. Sometimes silence says it perfectly. With relationships I'd follow my heart. But I'd know to take my brain along for the ride. And while I'd still be kind, I wouldn't be a pushover. I'd create my own retirement plan independent of any partner. Looking out for me is my responsibility. I'd be comfortable to know that not everyone is going to like me and I'm okay with that. I'd spend much less energy on it. At last I'd make friends with my mirror. I'm so much more than how I look. And I wouldn't look into my rear view mirror again, except for the beautiful view. I'd worry less about getting old... Getting old is fine, it's getting boring that's the problem. For 6 Tips I use on Saving Money click on the photo link of the two women shopping. Good Luck to You, Deb
- WHAT SUCCESSFUL FAMILIES DO | Best Parenting Advice: Raising kids. What works?
BEST STARTS FOR KIDS What Successful Families Do Step by Step Parenting Tips 1 Successful families let their values inform and guide the development of positive habits... And the cumulative effects of these habits, over time, increase their success. Successful parents prioritize their time according to what their values deem are most important. And they commit to getting those things done. Successful Parents are generally guided by their values/principles. They usually: Have a lifetime-commitment to building & maintaining positive family relationships Lead by example Value and support health and education Interact honestly and respectfully Are trustworthy, capable and cooperative Have long-term goals for their children to attain success and independence Are understanding, tolerant and forgiving Model resilience Live within their means. Expect the best. Yet plan for the worst. 1. Successful parents have a sense of higher purpose related to their family. Family is a priority for them. Parents maintain a strong lifelong commitment to their children's success. They have a positive ongoing relationship with their partner (regardless of whether they live together or not.) These parents balance the 'me' and 'we' aspects of family well, devoting time to both. They're willing to spend the time necessary to with their children. build quality relationships They plan and save for future goals 4. Successful parents value their own health and well being, evidenced by: providing regular healthy meals, regular exercise and appropriate levels of sleep Because of the parent's own they're good role models for their children. healthy lifestyles They're also willing to accept, that different children may have different interests, and/or activity needs. 6. Successful parents maintain a big picture perspective. They plan ahead, aware they're trying to raise independent, responsible, capable, empathetic adults. Parents expose their children to different ideas, experiences and cultures, which encourages tolerance and acceptance Parents give children their own responsibilities and expect them to fulfill these commitments They consistently link privileges to age and maturity P arents increase the child's opportunities for autonomy as they mature. Parents model fiscal responsibility by living within their means. They set up savings plans linked to goals. And they teach their children about the difference between investing and spending. The fact you're interested in reading an article on parenting and family success, indicates you're likely quite successful at parenting already. You may be looking for a few ideas on how to tweak what's already working. E.g. making your behaviour consistent, improving family cooperation, making more effective use of time achieving family, health or wealth goals, Adding 'little' habits into what you're already doing well, usually increases your success over time. If you immediately acknowledge yourself, for sticking to your goals, it helps increase your success... because it makes you feel good. When our actions reinforce who we believe our selves to be, we usually feel great. best And if you take the extra step of recording when you stick to your goals, you'll realize just how great a parent you really are... Seriously. Linking just one new habit to an existing habit will stick, if you instantly reward it, especially at the beginning. Give yourself that mental pat on the back you deserve... 'Yes. I did it. That's more like me... I can trust myself to stick to my word.' What do you want to change most and start there. Problem Example: Kids dump their school bags at the back door and rush in to play video games before any chores are done. Encourage kids to unpack their school bags as soon as they walk through the door, put their lunchboxes in the dishwasher and get out their homework. Acknowledge when they remember, plus give them a reward (that you were going to give them anyway) like a healthy snack after school before they're able to play. Then acknowledge yourself for sticking to your values of: supplying healthy food for your family helping develop your child's independence and organizational skills having a routine that supports family cooperation noticing the good things your kids are doing Train yourself to notice the many positive things you're already doing well, rather than the things you didn't get to. Put a counter in a jar when you stick to your values. Get to ten counters... give yourself a simple reward (e.g. a cuppa, some guilt-free TV time, etc.) Get to one hundred... Bigger reward. (A catch up with friends, a guilt-free purchase, etc) Get to a thousand... (A weekend away, a special purchase, etc) Parenting Put a routine chart on the fridge so kids know what they need to do in the morning: Independence Make chores into fun games. e.g. tidying up before the bomb goes off... : Positive family relationships Use egg timers for turn taking. You can buy sets in three, five, ten minute internals. Great for avoiding arguments: Positive family relationships Make a chart of what goes in each child's school bag & get them to pack it (You'll need to check, especially at the beginning.) Acknowledge improvement: Independence. Have at least half a day a week when you do something fun together as a family. e.g. picnic, park, beach, zoo, walk, adventure, etc: Positive family relationships Put your phone in a drawer for 10% of each day between 5:30 and 8:10. That's family time.: Positive family relationships Add an opportunity for learning about mathematics incidentally e.g. while cooking, gardening, building: Education is important and practical Home Organisation If kid's sport is cancelled have a cooking day. Make heaps of meals and freeze them: curries, spaghetti, Mex, etc. Learn more: Timesavers for Healthy Meals Organization supports healthy eating, saves money Make up a permanent shopping list of everything you buy. Fluoro the items linked to your menu: Organization supports healthy eating, saves money Establish a fortnightly repeating menu based on your time schedule. e.g. On days you arrive home late use a pre-made frozen meal: Organization supports healthy eating, saves money Put frozen pre-made meals into the fridge to thaw before you leave for work, then you only need to cook rice or pasta. 15 minutes and a healthy dinner is ready. Organization supports healthy eating Pack schoolbags the night before, ready for lunches to be added the next morning: Organization supports healthy eating, saves money on takeaway Want to lose weight: Try flossing your teeth immediately after finishing your evening meal. Over months, doing this reduced my weight. (I've now taken my belt in four holes.) A one-minute habit, transformed what was a problem time of day for me. What simple quick habit can you introduce that might help you overcome a problem? If someone said to me, by following the free strategies on the link, I'd be able to: Organization For Success save three years worth of free time over my working life (improving my quality of life) eat healthier plus pay off my mortgage in just over half the time (allowing me to retire earlier) ...I wouldn't have believed them. But this is exactly what happened when I followed them. Share this page with a friend , , Successful parents develop routines/ habits, that make it easy to stick to their values. E.g. Reading at bedtime Morning Exercise etc Successful parents acknowledge & reward themselves for sticking to their goals, rather than focusing on what they didn't achieve Values are personal. Yet as loving parents, it's interesting how many values we share. 2. Parents lead by example and: Set high expectations Provide guiding feedback Respond to individual needs Ensure guide child behaviour clear boundaries Remain involved as their children grow These parents are: more willing to negotiate around rules factor in individual maturity levels and respond flexibly when the need arises 3. Interactions are respectful. Dialogue is open, honest, age appropriate and supports understanding. Ge nuine trust and co-operation occurs between parents; and between children and parents. Parents model kindness, respect and co-operation in their every day interactions. Children are encouraged to have good social skills. These families often have regular extended family contact and involve in their community. Parents have fun with their kids and include them in socializing. Parents express appreciation and gratitude. Every individual is valued for what they contribute to the family. 5. It's expected that kids will make mistakes as a part of learning. Successful parents use it as an opportunity to help develop resilience. Parents remain calm, look at opportunities to make amends when mistakes occur, and find ways to resolve any problems Successful parents model ways of overcoming difficulties or failures themselves... by adapting Parents show by example, that even large difficulties can be overcome with time and a plan 7. Successful parents use positive expectation & routines to provide a safe framework to support children. They make time to have fun together. as a family is planned for, and prioritised. e.g. playing family games together, going on holidays together, etc Quality time Time is ideally spent together on a daily basis: eating together, reading at night, etc provide clear expectations of daily and/or weekly responsibilities for children. This helps scaffold personal independence Routines Parent organization/routines helps support the effective running of the household Consequences for less desirable behaviour are usually natural ones. Go to to learn more. Why Use Natural Consequences? Adding even one tiny positive habit can make a massive difference to your children's success because 'positive effects accumulate over time.' For example... Did you know? That by spending five minutes a day, reading just one book to your child a day, (from 6 months to 6 years) your child will have been exposed to around a million more words than if you didn't. There is an amazing article called 'The Early Catastrophe: The 30 Million Word Gap' which compares the amount and quality of language used within households and the cumulative impact upon children. They'll learn reading and writing conventions which will help later with their own reading and writing. For example: reading from left to right, return sweeping to the next line, reading from the top to the bottom of a page, what a full stop is and means, what a question mark is and means, what an author is, what a title is Because words in stories are in context, your child will increase their vocabulary, improve their comprehension, their grammar, plus their ability to predict text because they already know what makes sense. Your habits will determine your future. quote by Jack Canfield ...But your habits can also determine your children's futures. A new habit could be something simple like: Praising specific aspects of children's learning or behaviour, so your child learns exactly what good is. (e.g. aiming for a person's chest when passing a footy, your child holding your hand in a car park, when learning to write identifying letters with straight lines or uniform ellipses) Looking at your children when they speak to you; so you know when they're listening, they see how sounds are produced plus they know they're important to you . Putting your phone in a drawer for 10% of the time each day. This supports uninterrupted family time Say between 5:30 and 8:10 The best thing you can spend on your kids, is time. quote by Arnold Glasgow Below is a practical ideas bank that I've used successfully. You can use them as is. Or as a springboard to create your own ideas. Notice how I've made sticking to my values as easy as possible: Child Education Establish reading a book a day from when children are very young at bedtime: Education is important Practise phonics for two minutes every school day with 5 and 6 year-old developing readers. Check out the Fun Phonics Game to make it easier. It's free. Help your child learn the 100 Most Used Words. They make up 50% of everything your kids need to read or write. Education is important When children are in infants school have them read to you for ten minutes every school day. It's one of the greatest things you can do for them. Education is important Set up an afternoon routine: snack, homework, relaxation time after homework: Independent organization If you're buying your child a gift, buy a book on a subject your child is passionate about Play turn taking learning games like: Memory, Bingo, Yahtzee, Guess Who, Monopoly, Free Fun Maths Games Positive family relationships, Education is important Healthy Lifestyle Put exercise clothes out ready for morning exercise: health is important Exercise first thing, that way despite how busy you are, every day has something in it for you: health is important Make up 2 or 3 salads at a time for lunches. That way if you need a snack, you have a salad ready: health is important, saves money on takeaway If you want to watch the t.v. do a couple of minutes of stretching or balance as you first watch it: reward health is important Floss your teeth immediately after your evening meal (that way you don't eat after dinner.) health is important Do pelvic floor exercises while you clean your teeth, have a shower, stop at traffic lights: health is important Have a bedtime routine: Healthy sleep habits for everyone: sleep is important for health, health is important Any of us who have joined the parenting club know how hard it can be. Some days can be particularly challenging. Automating positive parenting habits, made them easier to maintain on those difficult days, that often bring us unstuck. And the better habits I had, the greater cumulative success I achieved... I've been asked for this information by family, friends & parents over years, because they saw the difference using this information made to our life. Organization For Success For more ideas to support child, & family success, check out the following articles: Creating Strength Based Kids Creating strength based kids Best Ways of Developing Language Best Ways of Developing Language Behaviour Strategies That Work Behaviour Strategies That Work What is Most Important in Life? What is most important in life Setting up a Repeating Menu Time savers for Healthy Meals Choosing Gratitude Not Entitlement A girl kissing her father Back to Top Best Parenting Advice.com is a high quality parenting website designed with child and family success in mind. It highlights what successful parents do differently to those who struggle. Best Parenting advice.com provides free online resources for busy parents who want the best practical advice on: how to give kids a best start in life, better tips for parenting toddlers, effective child rearing strategies, behaviour management tips, successful goal setting and organizational strategies for successful families, easy family dinner recipes, self-care tips for time-poor parents and free kids learning games. The aim of Best Parenting Advice.com is to provide quality practical parenting tips and advice to best help children and families succeed, using the convenience of a website. This website provides examples of what worked for me over decades and you are welcome to use these ideas as you see fit but you do so at your own risk. Best Parenting Advice.com does not provide any guarantee that this information will work in every circumstance with every family or with every child. It is your responsibility as a user of this website to ensure that you adhere to any recommended safety suggestions either implicit or explicit on this site and supervise your children while playing any games suggested. Similarly users of this website are advised to follow any recommendations for seeking professional advice as all information on this site is generic. Best Parenting Advice.com is an independent website and is not affiliated with any other groups, clubs, religious organizations or educational systems. Best parenting takes time. The best parenting advice ever is simple: Do your best, don't give up and love your children, no matter what.
- Tool Kit Managing Difficult Behaviour | Managing Disrespectful Kids: best advice
BEST STARTS FOR KIDS Tool Kit 1: Managing Difficult Behaviour Curbing Disrespect TROUBLESHOOTING TOOL KIT: 1 Being Disrespectful: BEGIN HERE. TROUBLESHOOTING TOOL KIT: 1 Being Disrespectful: Course of Action Point 1: Explain what respect is, how it looks and sounds, and why it is an expectation for everyone within your home. E.g: Look at someone when they speak to you Let someone finish a complete thought without interruption Voices needs to remain calm Give other people the benefit of the doubt until you've discussed issues Teach the concept of consent using the simple rhyme: 'From my head to my toes, it's what I say goes,' and reinforce unwarranted touch, intimidation, or degradation is unacceptable by anyone Ask your child how they feel when they're not respected. Listen to what they have to say. One of the greatest difficulties with managing difficult behaviour is, every child is different. Respect is fundamental for quality relationships & good behaviour. But disrespect erodes relationships. The key to changing child behaviour for the better is: Both parents need to present a united front, to explain (Preferably not immediately after an issue when emotions are high) respect for all family members is an expectation. Both parents remain calm, reinforcing new expectations consistently, using praise and natural consequences Both parents spend positive time with the child, continually building the relationship Both parents model respect within the home Both parents notice and praise children being respectful If your child is responsive and takes on board what's said. Say something like: 'We knew we could count on you to get on board with this.' Continue discussion at Point 2. If your child is disrespectful: Stop & wait for them to adjust their tone. Wait until they get sick of waiting. If that's too subtle, say something calm like: 'Please adjust your tone. We asked you to be respectful.' If they adjust their tone and become more cooperative, say something like: Point 2: 'It's our job to help give you the skills in life you'll need to succeed.' 'Others often feel badly towards people who disrespect them.' 'There have been issues with respect in the past in our home.' 'But you're old enough now to learn how people need to be treated...' If they're still disrespectful, parents need to begin to set limits. But still be willing to give them an out if they come on board. You could say something like: 'It appears you don't seem to understand exactly what respect and disrespect looks like.' Go to Point 3 If they're still disrespectful parents need to invoke . natural consequences Lower your tone of voice. Say calmly: You're showing you don't want to be cooperative (for older children substitute mature.) If you're choosing to act like a four-year-old, four-year-olds don't, for example, have their own phones. (Remove a different age related privilege if they're not old enough for a phone.) We'd like you to have a good life so you need to be aware...' Go to Point 2 then straight onto Point 4. Revise what respect looks and sounds like for 'everyone' in the house: For example: Point 3: Stop & look at someone when they speak to you. Listen until someone finishes a complete thought without interrupting them Voices needs to be calm Hands need to be kept to yourself Sneering, eye rolling, turning away, covering ears & raising voices in anger are all signs of disrespect. This behaviour is not acceptable, (including by parents.) Explain: Point 4: 'People who treat others with disrespect are often, in turn, treated with disrespect. We're not being good parents if we let you think it's okay to behave like that. As you grow up we want you to be surrounded by people who love you, are kind to you and respect you.' If they still continue to be disrespectful they are showing they expect to get away with it: Remove a particular privilege for two days. (Make sure it's something they're really going to miss.) Revisit points 3 and If that still doesn't work, loss of privileges may need to be extended, or increased. e.g. No T.V; No socializing outside school hours Reassess & maintain consistently Tips There's no need to be hostile about it. If you're hostile it doesn't build cooperation. Be friendly and loving. But with regards to children's disrespect be consistent and clinical. Don't get baited into an argument. Walk away. Maintain their loss of privileges. Praise kids whenever they treat family members respectfully. IMPORTANT: Something to Consider: Could your love bank account (credit points) with your child be too low? It's really easy for this to happen if you're busy. Go to for more information: Why Spend Positive Time Together Intermittent reinforcement is one of the best ways of ensuring a negative behaviour will continue... Sometimes they'll get away with it, so it's worth persisting. To overcome difficult behaviour you need to be consistent, every single time. Share this page with a friend Children don't usually behave disrespectfully, unless it works Is it possible: They get more attention for being difficult than being cooperative. (e.g. This child may have an ' extra good' sibling, so this position in the family is already taken.) If they're rude you'll back off They escalate their behaviour until you give in. There are no consequences for being rude, so basically they do it, because they can You're inconsistent and will not follow up. So they play the gap, thinking they'll get away with it enough times to make it worth their while Being Irritable: If they seem generally cross or out of sorts you could ask: 'Have I done something to upset you,' or 'Is there something wrong?' Often this is an opportunity to learn something you might not know about what's bothering them. One of the main things that can contribute to being irritable is poor quality sleep. Are they getting enough sleep? Could they have worms affecting the quality of their sleep? Do they snore? Are they playing lots of video games and becoming too hyped up to want to sleep? Is their friendship group disrespectful Have they been watching T.V. or coming into contact with negative online commentary? Tool Kit 2: Pushing Boundaries For children to understand consent, and what respect is as adults, they benefit from learning it in the home with modelling by parents. For specific information on improving behaviour go to the following links: Boundaries Help Raise Good Kids Setting Boundaries Why Be Consistent? Consistency, Consistency, Consistency Why Natural Consequences? The Value of Natural Consequences Sibling Rivalry Solutions Overcoming sibling rivalry Tool Kit 2: How to Set Boundaries How to set boundaries for behaviour Why Natural Consequences? The Value of Natural Consequences Back to Top Best Parenting Advice.com is a high quality parenting website designed with child and family success in mind. It highlights what successful parents do differently to those who struggle. Best Parenting advice.com provides free online resources for busy parents who want the best practical advice on: how to give kids a best start in life, better tips for parenting toddlers, effective child rearing strategies, behaviour management tips, successful goal setting and organizational strategies for successful families, easy family dinner recipes, self-care tips for time-poor parents and free kids learning games. The aim of Best Parenting Advice.com is to provide quality practical parenting tips and advice to best help children and families succeed using the convenience of a website. This website provides examples of what worked for me over decades and you are welcome to use these ideas as you see fit but you do so at your own risk. Best Parenting Advice.com does not provide any guarantee that this information will work in every circumstance with every family or with every child. It is your responsibility as a user of this website to ensure that you adhere to any recommended safety suggestions either implicit or explicit on this site and supervise your children while playing any games suggested. Similarly users of this website are advised to follow any recommendations for seeking professional advice as all information on this site is generic. Best Parenting Advice.com is an independent website and is not affiliated with any other groups, clubs, religious organizations or educational systems. Best parenting takes time. The best parenting advice ever is simple: Do your best, don't give up and love your children, no matter what.
- Managing Tantrums | Best Parenting Advice: practical tips in overcoming tantrums
BEST STARTS FOR KIDS Managing Tantrums Tantrums are a natural response for young children expressing an emotion they can't convey in words Tantrums can be best managed if you remain calm By validating your child's experience, it helps them know you understand. Modelling self-regulation strategies, helps kids learn things they can do to feel better. Efforts to use words to solve problems should be encouraged Be forgiving. Children are trialing what works for them and dealing with big emotions The less rewarding tantrums become, the more likely children will trial using other strategies Tantrums may persist, especially if at some time in the child's life, they've worked for them Tantrums and screaming can be best managed if you don't escalate the drama and remain calm. 1. Try either/or options. S peak calmly. Use phrases that offer choice like: 'You seem upset. Can I help you? Would you like ... ( ) or ... ( )? ( ) this that Offer a choice they can point to. Suggest appropriate behaviour If they're already able to talk try something like 'You may need to take a big breath to help you feel a bit better like I do when I feel upset. We can breathe in together.' Count to 4. You may need to repeat this for a few rotations. If they're sad give them a cuddly toy to hold. You can then say 'How can I help you so you don't feel sad/ angry/ lonely, etc?' Build relationship 'I'd really like to help you but I don't know how.' Maybe rub their back. Provide an either or option. Was it ... or ... that you wanted? You can point if you like or you can tell me.' ( Even a single word gives you a clue whereas screaming/crying doesn't.) Again try encouraging them to take a breath, then tell you. 4. Reward for doing the right thing. If your child makes an effort to communicate with you, say something like: Try moving on 'That's fantastic. Now I know what you want because you used your words. Let's go and get it now.' Reward for doing the right thing. Problem solved. If your child learns using language to solve problems works for them, they're more likely to use language to solve problems. 5. Move on quickly. Forgive. Be positive. Let your child realize being cooperative pays off for them. Don't be angry with a child having a tantrum. They're simply learning how to manage big emotions. Imagine for a moment you've just had a huge disappointment and someone said to you 'I don't want to know. Go to your room.' Having tantrums is a natural part of maturing. It helps if parents get over the issue as quickly as possible. Then children don't get locked into having tantrums for attention. 8. With children four years old and above be consistent, every time, so they learn tantrums no longer work. Some children never grow out of tantrums, or screaming to get their way, because it works really well for them . And I've found there's one thing much worse than dealing with a four-year-old who continually loses it. It's having this same four-year-old, still losing it with you, at five, then eight, then fifteen... Because the size of the tantrums generally get bigger, along with their size. Something to consider is: If you feel negligent by setting limits with a four-year-old child having a tantrum, by staying, you're giving them a pay off... That is: getting your attention, or getting what they want, by having a tantrum. (after you've attempted twice to resolve an issue,) Isn't it more loving to give your child the skills to express themselves and learn to function well within society, than to indulge and support bad choices of behaviour. Building a loving relationship and setting limits when there isn't an issue is a good place to start. 10. Praise your child for having greater self-control. If children are rewarded for using language to solve their problems, and learn to express their needs in socially acceptable ways the new behaviour is more likely to continue. The ability to use words to resolve our problems is of great benefit to us in life. And I've found if children can express themselves clearly, they're often less inclined to have tantrums. Being able to handle yourself in a crisis (even as a child,) builds your confidence. As parents we're wanting to raise children, who grow into adults that feel good about themselves. Share this page with a friend I've seen 'major' behavioural issues turned around within weeks, time and time again, by consistently and calmly following some of the strategies I've suggested. You can contact me via Instagram at #best_parenting_advice or email@example.com The best tip for managing a tantrum is to avoid it. We all know particular issues that are likely to be triggers, so it makes sense to try to distract our child before it becomes an issue. Scenario Example: Changing a difficult routine to a fun one For example: It's time to leave Nana's. Your child has had a really great day and they'd like it to continue. So, distract them. (Pack the car ahead of time.) Distract: Ask a fun question. 'Do you think Nan is strong enough to push our car? I wonder if you can beat me to the car and we'll find out. Come on Nan, you can't beat us...' Notice you haven't said 'we're leaving.' Nan can say something like 'Oh the car's not heavy enough.' Why don't you all get in to make it heavier.' Nan can then pretend to 'push' the front of the car as it reverses down the driveway (obviously away from her.) Your child will likely be laughing instead of crying. This can change a regular stressful event into a new fun routine way of leaving. Parenting toddlers doesn't need to be tough. If you look at things through a child's eyes it can help you hijack potential problems. Can you adapt the strategy I used over years to help overcome another difficult situation in your life? 2. Try moving your child away from attention. N.B. (The way your child responds gives you a clue as to whether they want a resolution or to vent.) If they want to vent, you could try something like: Diffusing tension 'You seem a bit over-tired at the moment. How about you have a lie down,' (rather than continue to escalate a situation with a child who has lost it.) And put them to bed in their room. Give them their favourite stuffed toy, encourage them to take in deep breaths while you rub their backs. (You might be surprised how often they really are tired and will fall asleep within minutes... Losing it takes a lot of energy.) Building Relationship through Empathy If they're sad pat them and say something like 'I understand you're sad. Sometimes we don't get everything we want and it's natural to be disappointed. Even I get disappointed sometimes. Say: 'Do you want to tell me about it?' Then listen. If you listen to where they're coming from, before you attempt to help them see another point of view, you build your relationship and your child learns they can rely on you. 3. Make sure you and your partner present as a team. If you're at home, be supportive. Suggest self-regulation strategies. But don't engage if they choose to scream at you. You can either sit close by and pat them if they're sad, or ensure they're safe. Remove audience interaction (that may even be with you, if they're violent.) Encourage any attempt they make to self-regulate or communicate. If your child is at home and your child is throwing themselves around in a tantrum, get them a pillow for under their head to prevent them from hurting themselves. (and you've already tried a couple of times to find out what's wrong,) 6. Tell children what you expect Assuming your child is around three-and-a-half or four years old, and in a safe environment, you could say something like: Limit Setting 'I'm sorry I can't help you at the moment. If you want to show/tell me in a minute what you want, I can help you then. Try taking a deep breath to help you calm down a bit and then you can tell me.' And walk away. You can keep them within your view to ensure their safety. 7. Avoid an audience If you're out and can leave, get out of there. It's so much easier to manage a tantrum without an audience. I knew a child once who only threw tantrums when she was out, because her mother would be embarrassed and give in. If you're in a shopping centre the last thing you need is the stares of onlookers making you feel even worse, or unsolicited advice. 9. Help your child learn to self-regulate. Model how to deal with big emotions. Take big breaths yourself. Say things like 'I need a moment to calm down...' Choose calming music to listen to. Go for a walk outside. Find three things you can see, two things you can hear, one thing you can smell. Discuss these are some of the strategies you use to overcome sad/angry feelings. Encourage your child to take in three deep breaths to feel better and 'try to use words' to express their feelings. Use encouraging words: You'll get over this, you can do better next time... Some of the statements I successfully used over and over again with children from four years on (after a tantrum was over and they'd calmed down a bit) were: Relationship building 'I know sometimes it's disappointing when our turn is over/ we don't get to do everything we want/ have to go home/etc. But there will be another time and we might get our turn then. Or maybe, we might even get something better.' Where possible I made the alternative as good, or better, reinforcing to the child I always had their interests at heart. Maintaining consistency & integrity 'If I let you think it's okay to behave like that, I'm not being a good mother/ teacher. And you know I want to be the best I can be for you... What do you think might have worked better for you? Encourage communication skills 'Now that you're a big boy/girl you can use your words to help solve your problems. When you do that others know exactly what you want. And you know I'd give it to you, if I could... ' Young children generally reduce tantrums as their language levels improve. For ideas to help improve your young child's language go to: 10 Tips to Develop Early Language If your child is four, or older, and they're still having tantrums, the boxes below identify different tips to help. Begin with All the topics have something different to offer. 'Why spend positive time together.' Or check out Tool Kit: Managing Difficult Behaviour 1 Tool Kit: Managing Difficult Behaviour 1 For more best parenting advice on behavioural strategies go to the following links or check out : Behaviour Strategies That Work Establishing Sleep Routines Establishing Sleep Routines 4 Ways to Develop Cooperative Kids 4 ways to develop cooperative kids. Child helping her mother do the shopping. Tool Kit 1: Curbing Disrespect Curbing Disrespect Tool Kit 2: How to Set Boundaries How to set boundaries for behaviour Sibling Rivalry Solutions Overcoming sibling rivalry Why Natural Consequences? The Value of Natural Consequences Five Tips For Self Isolation With Kids Five Tips for self isolation with kids Blog: Raising Teenagers to Succeed Are You Scared of Your Teenager? Are you scared of your teenager? Back to Top Best Parenting Advice.com is a high quality parenting website designed with child and family success in mind. It highlights what successful parents do differently to those who struggle. Best Parenting advice.com provides free online resources for busy parents who want the best practical advice on: how to give kids a best start in life, better tips for parenting toddlers, effective child rearing strategies, behaviour management tips, successful goal setting and organizational strategies for successful families, easy family dinner recipes, self-care tips for time-poor parents and free kids learning games. The aim of Best Parenting Advice.com is to provide quality practical parenting tips and advice to best help children and families succeed, using the convenience of a website. This website provides examples of what worked for me over decades and you are welcome to use these ideas as you see fit but you do so at your own risk. Best Parenting Advice.com does not provide any guarantee that this information will work in every circumstance with every family or with every child. It is your responsibility as a user of this website to ensure that you adhere to any recommended safety suggestions either implicit or explicit on this site and supervise your children while playing any games suggested. Similarly users of this website are advised to follow any recommendations for seeking professional advice as all information on this site is generic. Best Parenting Advice.com is an independent website and is not affiliated with any other groups, clubs, religious organizations or educational systems. Best parenting takes time. The best parenting advice ever is simple: Do your best, don't give up and love your children, no matter what.