What's Funny About Teaching in Tough Schools...

​WARNING: These stories contain adult themes.

2. What Do You Do...

It was a high school sex education class and children were watching how to put a condom on, over a banana.


The embarrassed young casual-teacher was relieved when one of the girls finally told everyone to 'shut up.'


And the girl continued, in yet another show of kindness. 'Do you want me to do it for yer Miss?' she asked. 'They're not game to give me a hard time.'


The teacher shook her head and said 'No,' but soon changed her mind when the rude comments started up again.


'Okay,' she said. 'You can do it.'


Rookie error.

The girl student then proceeded to put the condom over the banana... with her mouth.

3. Can I Help You

She was the hardest, toughest woman I've ever seen. And today when she dropped her son late to the classroom she brought her brother in with her. And he was just plain scary.


While she kept me busy talking, he slunk into the storeroom.


But I spotted him.


Where's my handbag? I panicked. All good. Locked in my bottom drawer.

'Can I help you?' I asked, in my most commanding voice, hoping my voice didn't falter.

'Just checking things out,' he shrugged.

'Well would you mind checking things out... Out here?' I replied.


He sauntered out of the storeroom and I locked the door behind him.

But his eyes ignited with malice. 'Your name's Mrs Kinder and you live at Teachertown don't you?' he sneered, naming both me and my suburb correctly.

Great! He's going to rob my house while I'm at work.

'Used to,' I said, smiling.

6. I Don’t Need Maths

The teacher was trying to teach a unit on equivalent amounts to a high school student.

‘I don’t need to know this measurement stuff. I’m gonna be a drug dealer when I grow up,’ said Jayston.

‘You can be whatever you like when you grow up. But if you're going to be a drug dealer you really need to know exactly how grams and ounces work.’

7. Bandanna Boy (Don't Judge a Book...)

There were just two of us in the street. And even though it was broad daylight and I shouldn't feel scared, I was clearly the youth's target.

As he crossed the road to walk directly at me, I clutched my handbag, tight.


 Is he going to rob me?

Megadeath T-shirt, black homey pants, kick-your-head-in boots, black bandanna. Trouble oozed from every pore.

My heart was pounding in my chest. I steeled myself for an attack. He stopped right in front of me. He stared.


'Hello Mrs Kinder,' he said. 'Remember me?'

Memories of him flooded over me. He was the only child who'd ever said the 'magic' word to me.


I wondered if he could feel my heart racing as he wrapped his arms around me and said, 'You were always my favourite.'

1. Some Things Never Change.

Two teachers were watching the news as the twenty something's name was read out to be charged... The details of the robbery were shared.


The service station robbery was quick. A guy in a balaclava ran into the shop, pulled a knife, demanded money.


Then he raced back to his vehicle where his mate still had the car revving. They roared off. He knew he was safe. He'd changed his number plates so there was no chance of identifying him.


Or was there?

In the back window of the vehicle was a 'For Sale' sign. And on the bottom of the sign was the driver's phone number.

'One of my ex-students,' said the retired teacher. 'Some things never change...' 

4. Teaching in a Gaol

It was a lesson on perspective and the huge bikie inmate was having trouble making his drawing of a shed look like the real thing.


‘What’s wrong with it?' He slammed his hand on the desk for effect. 'I can’t get mine to look anything like it!’ 

The rest of the class felt the tension in the room. He was the guy in the group no one wanted angry.

The teacher wandered over to check it out. He shrugged. ‘Maybe you just can’t draw for ####!' And walked away.

The classroom iced over.


But then the bikie grinned. He said, ‘And I thought you were supposed to encourage me.’

5. I'm Tired

It was the third time 'Jayston' had fallen asleep in class.

He was her youngest and Miss Gentle was worried about him. 'I don't understand why you're so tired,' Miss Gentle asked. 'You fell asleep in class last week as well.'

Jayston sighed. 'I had to go out to work wiff me dad again. He wakes me up when he needs me.'

'Yes, I know you're helping your dad, but why does he need you when he could get a grown up instead? Maybe one of his mates could help him next time. You told me it was two in the morning last time.'

'Yeh I know. I said vat to him. But he said his mates are all too big to fit frew ver windows...'

Sometimes in teaching, (just like in many other helping professions) if you didn't laugh you'd cry.


And on some days you do both.

If you like it, your friends might too.

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