What No One Tells You
If someone asked you, would you tell them? Because when I was going through it I know I couldn't.
How do you tell them, you sometimes mourn the loss of you... The loss of you that existed, before you had a baby.
That you miss the person who could lay in bed on weekends (after a full night's sleep.)
Or leave the house with nothing in your hands but a phone?
Or even eat a meal that wasn't already cold.
But then guilt stabs you for being so selfish, when you know you should be grateful. You'd die trying to save their life. Right!
If you're anything like me, sleep deprivation drove a truck straight over me. Then reversed. And to inflict total damage it went after my husband as well.
But what I couldn't understand was the difference in me...
Before I had a baby I was at work by 7:30. Yet as a parent, I couldn't even make a baby health clinic appointment, at 10:00... Why was going out, poo time?
And I looked at the travel brochure lifestyle that everyone else seemed to have and I felt so inadequate in comparison.
Their babies slept. Some right through the night at six weeks. My son's didn't. My life was hour on, hour off, day and night for months.
I remember when I first went back to work someone complaining they only got five hours sleep, and I was thinking: Five hours sleep.... in a row. What I'd give for five hours sleep.
I couldn't understand why parenting seemed so easy for others, while I struggled?
"It wasn't that I was really unhappy. It was the constancy of my load, the awesome importance of it, and it was my isolation."
Elizabeth Berg: The Pull of the Moon
'My world became very serious, very fast... Some days I was so exhausted, I just wanted to cry.
And even though I was trying really hard to get it right, I didn't know if I was mucking it up or not. I felt guilty all the time because I know I should be loving this but some days I wasn't.
Why did others give advice when what I needed most was a bit of practical help. And I felt ashamed that I wasn't a good enough mother...'
My son was ten months of age, the first time he slept from 11:00 till 4:00. I woke up and felt the best I'd felt for almost a year. But then a thought ripped through me... Maybe he's dead? And I flew into his room to check.
But over time what I found was, it doesn't matter how clever someone is, how rich they are, how important they are; parenthood is difficult for most of us at times.
And if it's been a snack for you, be gracious. Your turn off the pedestal might be a lot closer than you think.
Over time I learned sometimes those who seem to have it all together... Don't have it any better together than we do.
If you can relate even a little to what I'm saying, this website was written for you... because I was you.
Sometimes parenting can be hard. And listening to others tell you how easy it is, (or was for them,) can make it seem so much harder.
Nothing will likely ever make you feel more vulnerable than parenting. Nothing will make you question yourself more. Or make you feel so powerless.
Yet nothing will likely ever bring you greater joy...
"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Ellen Cantarow
At times parenting can be frightening. When our babies catch a cold we pray that it'll all turn out okay. We kiss our toddler's hurts better when they fall down. But we love them so much we'd likely give up our own lives if it would save them.
And that never changes, no matter how old our children get.
"I don't remember who said this but there are really places in the heart you don't even know exist, until you love a child..." Anne Lamott
And it's the love that we share for our children that has motivated the writing of Best Parenting Advice.com. I would really like you to find it easier at the start than I did. And I'd like you to know successfully raising children is possible from the shakiest of beginnings. I know because I did it.
Parenting has to be one of life's greatest absurdities...
because even though it's one of the toughest things we'll ever do, so many of us are incredibly grateful for the privilege of doing it over and over again.
It remains the greatest blessing of my life...
"You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back."
William D Tammeus
No One Tells You...
Because The Love of a Parent is Too Great to Express in Words.
Best Parenting Advice.com is a high quality parenting website designed with child and family success in mind. It highlights what successful parents do differently to those who struggle. Best Parenting advice.com provides free resources for busy parents who want the best practical advice on: how to give kids a best start in life, better tips for parenting toddlers, effective child rearing strategies, behaviour management tips, successful goal setting and organizational strategies for successful families, easy family dinner recipes, self-care tips for time-poor parents and free kids learning games. The aim of Best Parenting Advice.com is to provide quality practical parenting tips and advice to best help children and families succeed.
This site provides examples of what worked for me over decades and you are welcome to use these ideas as you see fit but you do so at your own risk. Best Parenting Advice.com does not provide any guarantee that this information will work in every circumstance with every family or with every child. It is your responsibility as a user of this site to ensure that you adhere to any recommended safety suggestions either implicit or explicit on this site and supervise your children while playing any games suggested. Similarly users of this site are advised to follow any recommendations for seeking professional advice as all information on this site is generic. Best Parenting Advice.com is not affiliated with any other groups, clubs, religious organizations or educational systems.
Best parenting takes time. The best parenting advice ever is simple: Do your best, don't give up and love your children, no matter what.