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Stories

Five Funny Stories About Kids & Teachers

Young Man
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1. Don’t Get Dressed in the Dark

When Mr Newby was a beginning teacher, and hadn't long moved out of home, to save on washing he wore the same pair of jeans all week. Now on this particular morning he'd slept in so pulled his jeans on from off the floor, and hurried off to an early morning staff meeting. From there he went straight to his classroom.

 

And he'd only just began his first lesson for the day when he felt something move, down near his ankle.

 

His heart chilled....'Spider!' he yelled as he visualised a Funnel Web sinking it's fangs into his leg. He automatically flicked his leg up in the hope to dislodge the spider.

But can you imagine the uproar, as a pair of yesterday’s undies flew out from the bottom of Mr Newby's trousers across the room, landing on a young girl's desk. She immediately shrieked, flicked the undies up in an arc through the air with her ruler as kids dodged and screamed.

'I thought it was a spider,' Mr Newby yelled an apology, as his undies were again flicked  across the room to more dodging and screaming.

 

The most-street-wise kid in the class had picked up the undies on the end of his ruler, readying to flick them at some of the girls, when the Principal roared into the room.  'What's going on in here?' The Principal yelled.

The kid with the undies dropped them, stepped forward onto them and said. 'There was a spider and I just flicked it out the window... It's all over now.' He angled his head towards Mr Newby and winked.

'I'm pleased to hear you were so responsible Jayston,' the Principal growled. That's a big improvement from last week's efforts.' And he turned and huffed out muttering something about 'fuss over nothing.'

But by then Mr Newbie was next to Jayston. He grabbed his undies and stuffed them in his pocket.

And from then on Mr Newby was known as 'Commando.'

2. The Good Old Days (The 70's)

The District School Inspector had driven for hundreds of miles and this was one of the last country schools on his list. He knew they weren't expecting him until Monday but it shouldn't matter if he called in early... 

 

Yet when he arrived, there was no one there.

He called out as he searched the musty two-classrooms, then the admin area. The only thing that broke the silence was the 'Tick, tick, tick,'  of the clock.

 

Have they gone an an excursion... he thought. Not likely. Because if that were the case the school should be locked. (Strike One.)

 

He noticed a large school bell in the playground, and just before he left, he rang it, hoping someone might appear.

 

And surprisingly someone did.

Can you imagine the inspector's surprise when a barman, from the pub across the road, ambled over with two schooners. And went down to the back shed where the two teachers were playing cards. He was later to learn the kids had been taken down to the local footy oval and were being minded by the Year 6 kids.

 

(Strike Two, Strike Three. You're out!)

Happy Man
Portrait of smiling teenage guy kneeling
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4. ‘On Your Knees Peasant.’

‘On your knees peasant.’

 

The head teacher in the room next door flinched as he heard his new colleague’s voice boom through the wall. He stiffened in alarm.

 

Oh no! he thought. Don’t know much about him yet. Transferred. He sighed and shook his head. His shoulders slumped. I’ll have to check this out, he thought..

 

So he bolted into the class next door. And out the front of the class was a student, on his hands and knees on the floor, bowing to the teacher.

‘What’s going on!’ the head teacher yelled bristling in alarm.

 

The new teacher smiled. ‘Oh, Jack insisted he was right, even though I told him he wasn't. He said he was so sure this time, that if he was wrong again, this time he’d get down on his hands and knees to apologize... So we checked. I said, 'On your knees peasant…’  And the whole class laughed.

3. The Best Teacher Ever.

It was a hot day. We were all tired. And the third kid (in a row) gave Mr Charlie the wrong answer to his maths question.

 

Mr Charlie put his head down and shook it. Then he raised his clenched fists above his head like he was about to tear his hair out.

 

'Look at what you kids are doing to me,' he cried in exasperation, arms raised for effect. Then he laughed.

And we all laughed too because Mr Charlie was totally bald. There was not one hair left to tear out.

He feigned mock surprise at his empty hands. And we all laughed again.

 

Our attention was fully focused on him. And he slipped some maths into us before we even realized.

 

Best teacher ever...

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DISCLAIMER: Any similarities in the stories on this page, to people living or deceased, are purely co-incidental... After all, you never let the truth spoil a good story.

Girl with Flower
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5. Ground... Please Swallow Me.

I was talking to a colleague about her mother, who was also a teacher.

 

'She was the worst woman God ever put breath into,' she said. 'You went to this school so you must have heard of her. If you'd ever met her, you’d remember her for sure. She was an absolute monster.’

‘Awwh,' I cooed. 'I can’t believe you’d have a monster for a mother Kinderbella. You’re such a sweetie. The only woman I can ever remember being a monster was Mrs Killjoy. She beat me over the head with a ruler on the first day of class. She was like Miss Trunchable off Matilda. She scared hell out of me.’

'Right. That was her,’ she said shaking her head. 'That was 'my mother.'

​​For more funny stories about kids and teachers go to the following links:​

 

​​If you've never taught in a tough school, these funny stories may be a shock:

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