BEST STARTS FOR KIDS

Tool Kit 1: Managing Difficult Behaviour

Curbing Disrespect

TROUBLESHOOTING TOOL KIT: 1

Being Disrespectful:

BEGIN HERE.

TROUBLESHOOTING TOOL KIT: 1

Being Disrespectful: Course of action

Point 1:

  • Explain there needs to be higher levels of respect shown within your home.

  • Ask your child how they feel when they're not respected.

  • Listen to what they have to say.

One of the greatest difficulties with managing difficult behaviour is every child is different.

Respect is fundamental for quality relationships & good behaviour but disrespect erodes relationships.

The key to changing child behaviour for the better is:

  • Both parents need to present a united front to explain respect is an expectation for your family. (Preferably not immediately after an issue when emotions are high)

  • Both parents remain calm, reinforcing new expectations consistently, by using praise and natural consequences

  • Both parents spend positive time with the child building the relationship

  • Both parents model respect within the home

  • Both parents notice children being respectful

If your child is responsive and takes on board what's said. Say something like:

  • 'We knew we could count on you to get on board with this.'

  • Continue discussion at Point 3.

If your child is disrespectful:

  • Stop & wait for them to adjust their tone.

  • Wait until they get sick of waiting .

If that's too subtle, say something calm like:

  • 'Please adjust your tone. We asked you to be respectful.'

If they're still disrespectful parents need to begin to set limits but still be willing to give them an out if they come on board. You could say something like: 'It appears you don't seem to understand exactly what respect and disrespect looks like.' Go to Point 3

If they're still disrespectful parents need to invoke natural consequences.

  • Lower your tone of voice.

  • Say calmly: You're showing you don't want to be cooperative (for older children substitute mature.)

  • If you're choosing to act like a four year old, four year olds don't for example have their own phones. (Remove a different age related privilege if they're not old enough for a phone.)

  • We'd like you to have a good life so you need to be aware...'

  • Go to Point 3 then straight onto Point 4.

Point 2: If they adjust their tone and become more cooperative, say something like:

  • It's our job as parents to help give you the skills in life you'll need you to succeed.

  • It makes others feel badly towards those that disrespect them.

  • There have been issues with respect in the past in our home.

  • But you're old enough now to learn how people need to be treated...

Point 3: Discuss what respect looks and sounds like: For example:

  • Stop & look at someone when they speak to you. And listen

  • Let someone finish a complete thought without interruption

  • The tone of voice needs to be calm

  • Sneering, eye rolling, turning away, covering ears & raising voices in anger are all signs of disrespect. This behaviour will no longer be tolerated by anyone

Point 4: Explain:

  • 'People who treat others with disrespect are often, in turn, treated with disrespect.

  • We're not being good parents if we let you think it's okay to behave like that.

  • As you grow up we want you to be surrounded by people who love you, are kind to you and respect you.'

If they still continue to be disrespectful:

  • Remove a particular privilege for two days. (Make sure it's something they're really going to miss.)

  • Revisit points 3 and 4.

  • If that still doesn't work, loss of privileges may need to be extended or increased. e.g. No T.V.

  • Reassess & maintain consistently

 

Tips

  • There's no need to be hostile about it. If you're hostile it gives them power.

  • Be friendly and loving. But with regards to their disrespect be consistent and clinical.

  • Don't get baited into an argument. Walk away. Maintain  their loss of privileges.

  • Praise them whenever they treat family members respectfully.

Could your love bank account (credit points) with your child be too low? It's really easy for this to happen if you're busy.

 

 Go to Why Spend Positive Time Together for more information:

Intermittent reinforcement is one of the best ways of ensuring a negative behaviour will continue...

 

Sometimes they'll get away with it, so it's worth persisting. To overcome difficult behaviour you need to be consistent, every single time.

Children don't usually behave disrespectfully, unless it works

Is it possible:

  • They get more attention for being difficult than being good. (e.g. This child may have an ' extra good' sibling, so this position in the family is already taken.)

  • If they're rude you'll back off

  • They  escalate their behaviour until you give in.

  • There are no consequences for being rude, so basically they do it, because they can

  • You're inconsistent and will not follow up. So they play the gap, thinking they'll get away with it enough times to make it worth their while

Being Irritable:

If they seem generally cross or out of sorts you could ask: 'Have I done something to upset you,' or 'Is there something wrong?' Often this is an opportunity to learn something that's bothering them.

  • One of the main things that can contribute to being irritable is poor quality sleep.

  • Are they getting enough sleep?

  • Could they have worms affecting the quality of their sleep?

  • Do they snore?

  • Are they playing lots of video games and becoming too hyped up to want to sleep?

For specific information on improving behaviour go to the following links:

Boundaries Help Raise Good Kids
Setting Boundaries
Why Be Consistent?
Consistency, Consistency, Consistency
Why Natural Consequences?
The Value of Natural Consequences
Show More
Sibling Rivalry Solutions
Overcoming sibling rivalry
Tool Kit 2: How to Set Boundaries
How to set boundaries for behaviour
Why Natural Consequences?
The Value of Natural Consequences
Show More

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